Parental Alienation Syndrome:Under Identified Child Abuse That's Detrimental to Life!

For those of you contemplating leaving your spouse and going through a divorce, especially if there are children involved, you might want to read this article and be forewarned as to some of the horrendous obstacles that you might have to face along the way. Initially, most couples, especially for the children, plan on having a nicey, nicey separation and divorce. As nature would have it, most couples realize that, outside of totally antisocial behavior such as prostitution, drugs, alcoholism, and other untoward behaviors, the children are probably better off being raised by the mother. Even though the importance of both parents is important in the lives of the children, you don't see cubs in the wild sitting with the father now do you? No, of course not, all animals, as nature intended, are always pictured with the mother, as it should be. Humans are no different, the mother carried her babies for the nine months, has a physical bonding with them in the first days of birth, and apart from a preference not to raise them, traditionally, children should stay with the mothers for the most part with the father being an active part in the lives of the children. As the separation begins, and attorneys become involved, this is when the fight begins to turn nasty. Then petty questions enter into the progressively worse war regarding who gets Aunt Matilda's gift of a clock over the bedroom suite brought by Grandma Joyce, along with all other joint property that comes under scrutiny.

As the fight continues over material property, so to do the children, in the warring of these two now totally illogical spouses, become identified as property. The two fighting spouses, egged on by their relevant attorneys, each identify the kids as being of their own sole property to the exclusion of the other, and the other spouse's extended family also, and this is where Parental Alienation begins. The children are, obviously, the victims in all of this, but such victimization and child abuse is not entirely recognized by the courts, child protective services, or any other supportive court system for that matter. The reason that the courts, and all of its supportive departments refuse to identify Parental Alienation as a serious means of child abuse is a result of the fact that there are no immediate tell-tale signs and symptoms that couldn't be rationalized as merely being a result of the marital break up.

In Parental Alienation, the anger a child may initially feel along with the pathological lying about anything and everything is discarded by all as a means of coping with the breakup of their parents, the disruption of the family home, and having their time torn between two parents. Depending on the age of the parent, for the most part, behaviors are learned from one or both parents, especially in the early years, so lying, angry outbursts beyond the age of two years old, and where there was none formerly, hatred for the parent being alienated, shyness, clinginess, and educational or learning difficulties can all be attributed to Parental Alienation Syndrome. These behaviors stem from the alienating parent who tries to fill the child(ren's) head with negative things in regards to the other parent, whether they are true or not. As the alienating parent encourages to spy on, steal from, or behave badly in regards to the other parent, the child's self-esteem begins to plummet feeling, rightly, that his or her importance is now based on the achievements of the tasks set before them and the success that they can achieve in completion of these tasks. Failure of abandonment from the alienating parent causes the child to become clingy to this parent, and even become unnecessarily afraid to visit or be with the parent being alienated. Basically, the alienating parent destroys the relationship of the child(ren) with the other parent. This becomes effective in a custody hearing when the courts hear all the evidence and seeing that the child preferences the alienating parent, usually men, will then award custody to this parent which merely serves to further alienate the other parent from the child's life. Such behaviors become ingrained for the entire life of the child for the most part.

Men are usually the alienators when they don't want to pay the humongous amounts of child support that they would be faced to pay until each child reaches the age of eighteen years old. Even beyond that, in some states child support may continue if the child continues to live with the primary parent and go to college where it may not end until the child(ren) are age 21 years of age or graduate college whichever comes first. Women usually alienate as a means to strike back at a man who was not considered a good or well providing father, or, even more so, if the father has had adulterous affairs. Either way, the children are the victims, they are the ones that suffer, and, sadly, the court system and all the supportive departments don't recognize this behavior as the serious form of child abuse that it truly is.